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1. A true classic: Mistakenly approach a lady boy (when you’re actually into girls)

2. Your flip-flops die an early death and you wonder if that’s a rat rushing over your feet while you steal WiFi in a dark Bangkok alley (talk about reader service!) – but luckily it’s just a cockroach!

3. Try to book a train ride at the official national tourist information T.A.T. (not funny? yeah right, wait till you hear that story!)

4. Share a package of nuts with greedy monkeys only to find out that this makes them dangerously aggressive and that they have truly impressive teeth.

5. Walk several miles in the blazing heat just to find out that the mountain where the “polite monkeys” live is an off limits military zone in the afternoon.

Look closely at the sign

We tried everything, but they just won't let us in

6. Board the night train a good two hours late and get off 10 hours later, though the ride should have taken you only six hours

7. Find out that the terribly hard third class seats made for people of Asian standard size only are ridiculously overbooked, with the only exception the seats for “monks, disabled and senior citizens”.

8. Finally catch one of the top sleeping places on the floor under the benches only to awake because your head is banged against something hard, for the train is broken and has started to jerk violently everytime it is about to start up again.

Luxury sleeping cabin in a third class train

9. Get almost guillotined by a broken train window.

10. Try to have sex in 30+ degrees Celsius heat on a plastic sheet that does not absorb anything.

11. Drink free water with ice cubes in the market just to get the most horrible diarrhea, puke your guts out and shiver all night long though it still has 30+ degrees.

12. Finally make true your dream of finding, opening, and eating a fresh coconut from the tree on a dream beach, only to break a tooth on it.

dream beach with dream coconut palm tree

fresh coconut - yummie but deadly

13. Rent a non-insured 125cc manual gear shift scooter for 130 Baht/day that you would not be allowed to drive in your home country. Fall three times on the first day while navigating the murderously mountaineous and washed out dirt tracks of Ko Pha Ngan. Make sure you wear no shoes and only shorts because it is simply too hot for jeans and sneakers.

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1. A true classic: Mistakenly approach a lady boy (when you’re actually into girls) 2. Your flip-flops die an early death and you wonder if that’s a rat rushing over...