It has come to our attention that vicious lies have recently been spread in dubious Internet publications about the masters of the world, the royal Vietnamese. Thus it is time to rectify this injustice. Here is the bare truth about this amazing country: Vietnamese are always right!
Motorbiking is fun. Being a lonely wolf. Racing with the wind and the feeling that your under. The thrill when you break down – will you be able to fix it, will you need a mechanic? Suddenly: Vietnamesian! The bored grandpa must have spotted you from his window-sentinel. Now everything is lost. You do exactly know, you´ve got fuel, the sparkplug is fastened and it won´t do any good to kick the starter a hundred times. Now guess which three things the Vietnamesian grandpa is going to try first, after pushing you aside. Of course he does not speak one word of English and your gesticulations won´t argue him out of it. Naturally you could hustle the old know-it-all away. Baring violence you will not get him away from your machine. What a shame that violence against old people hardly fits the code of behavior accepted by the other 20 Vietnamesians gathered around you. Simply fleeing does not work either, otherwise you`d not be here.
It is a demon that numbs our senses, and its power is impossible to overthrow until you throw up. It is on the five continents and the seven seas. Alcohol is the universal language; this has now been confirmed by dermatologists. In South East Asia it doesn’t just make the hearts of the locals beat slower: Be it on Ko Panghan in Thailand, in Nha Trang, Vietnam, or Vang Vieng in Laos – entire tourist party hells live off continuous irrigation by overpriced bars. But stop! It doesn’t have to be like that! Already in the past sagesex has proven that South East Asia offers festive inebriation in price ranges below any budget – at least for those with a tough stomach. Which means looking for a compromise: Good and affordable is what counts! After half a year of experience in this part of the world sagesex is ready to present the ultimate guide to almost free intoxication in South East Asia: The top three in affordable and enjoyable alcoholica.
sagesex.com presents: Part 6 of the Money Series. In which we finally take to Town (Hanoi, Vietnam) our famous money business cards and the beautiful money suit we acquired in the earlier parts of the series.
Travelling is nice, but makes you very hungry
It should be well-known that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So sweet cakes, white bread or similar calorie sins poor in nutrients are out of the question for energetic travellers. But fear not: South East Asia has a special delicacy in store for your active lifestyle. Born in Vietnam, with South East Asia firmly in its grip already, the breakfast for true champions is about to conquer the world: Pho.
Exactly one year ago I wrote an article on painful breakups and more specifically on methods for getting over it. Therein I also mentioned a rather radically sounding means that is being formulaicly prescribed by the pickup community: FTOW – Fuck Ten Other Women! All right, it sounds stupid and certainly it isn’t meant to be taken literally. Still: I have done exactly this – and it has worked, even if differently from what I thought. Here is the story of my healing, illustrating once again how perfect and wondrous the Universe is. Read the rest of this entry »
This is no international harbor
said the border policeman when the world sank into the mist for the first time. No harbour – I could imagine that, since I just drove 100 kilometres away from the sea on tiny village streets, then 20 lonely-as-hell kilometres on serpents up into the grey clouds, which condensed on me and made me terribly wet. The policemen seemed happy about some company at the end of the world. So I stayed for a cup of tea before heading to the next border which, according to the detailed map one of the policemen drew, was about 100 kilometres away. It was late. So I drove much too fast for the five metres of sight the mist left me.
Everybody has an image in their mind when I say Money Suit. We had one tailormade for us. Here are the instructions for doing it yourself: How to get your own Money Suit Step by Step!
Step 1: All you need is money!
Naturally you first need plenty of money. We have already shown you how to procure that in Part 2. As a rule of thumb: For one meter of “fabric” you need about 200 500-Dong-bills, for one shirt and a pair of trousers about 800 of them.
Step 2: Stamp it, baby!
Not only does money alone not make you happy, it also looks a bit boring and shows a clear deficit in hypnotic commands for ARTifying the world. Thus: Stamp it, baby!
Step 3: What you want is what you get!
Now we have to clarify how exactly the final product should look. In our case, for instance, a classical suit with a jacket is out of the question because for the time being we will rather suffer from too much heat than too much cold. So it is a shirt and trousers, light and casual, because we want to wear our money clothes as often as possible. In this step you might also start thinking about the feasability and (dis-)advantages of certain techniques (all made out of money, or rather sewed onto fabric …), but we have found out that it is better to do this together with the tailor of your choice. Therefore:
Step 4: Find the right tailor and have it made!
This is actually the hardest part. It took us a the best part of an afternoon to find the right tailor, and all of this in Hoi An, a city in Vietnam that is known for its more than 300 bespoke tailors. Here are a few practical tips: First of all a city like Hoi An is made for this enterprise. Hong Kong might work as well. It’s important that there are many, many tailors, and cheap ones, if money is a concern.
Never talk to the vendors. They will only waste your time by automatically saying yes to anything you ask and then make you wait half and hour for the actual tailor, who will proceed to tell you it’s either impossible or he’s afraid of the authorities, or both. So ask to see the tailor in person the moment you walk into the door, or leave immediately.
Look for an adventurous and courageous, therefore probably young, tailor who is really into the project and not just into the money. Keep stressing that you love Vietnam, its money, and Uncle Ho. Never give up, among 300 tailors there will be one who is daring enough. Barter for the costs, but be generous. It’s a lot of work, and it’s a special order. Respect your tailor’s wishes if she wants to remain anonymous. Talk about all the details: The make, the technique, the color, the pattern, potential problems … and then let your tailor do his work.
Step 6: Enjoy Your Money Suit!
Here are Julian’s first moments with the new suit. Dig the style! Look at the glitter in his eyes! And wait till you see what happiness you can bring into the world with a money suit in our next episode of The Money Series.
Best Practices and Lessons Learnt
After careful consideration with our tailors we decided against making the suit out of pure money (This might be possible with large denominations from 20,000 Dong on, because these are made from plastic. But I don’t think it feels too good.) and for sewing the bills onto a base fabric, cotton in this case. As expected the suit is extremely sensitive to wrinkling, with the seams breaking open easily. So wear it carefully! It remains to be seen how the final product reacts to washing. Maybe dry cleaning would be better.
Julian thinks that sewing the bills onto the readymade suit was not a particularly good idea of our tailor. He would arrange the bills on the raw fabric, brutally sew them on with through-and-through seams, and then resew the after the cutting. There is a lot of room for experimentation here. We are thinking about using our unique expertise for founding our own brand of tailor made money clothing for wealthy patrons. We’ll keep you posted.