It has come to our attention that vicious lies have recently been spread in dubious Internet publications about the masters of the world, the royal Vietnamese. Thus it is time to rectify this injustice. Here is the bare truth about this amazing country: Vietnamese are always right!
This is no international harbor
said the border policeman when the world sank into the mist for the first time. No harbour – I could imagine that, since I just drove 100 kilometres away from the sea on tiny village streets, then 20 lonely-as-hell kilometres on serpents up into the grey clouds, which condensed on me and made me terribly wet. The policemen seemed happy about some company at the end of the world. So I stayed for a cup of tea before heading to the next border which, according to the detailed map one of the policemen drew, was about 100 kilometres away. It was late. So I drove much too fast for the five metres of sight the mist left me.
In Vietnam, tour guides with fat Harleys keep asking tourists “You want Easy Rider?”. Fuck Easy Rider. An ode to the dirty feeling of the Ruff Ryders. For attunement to the following text please enjoy this epic meditation on masculinity by the grand American master of sentimentalism, DMX:
No, Betsy! Not again! Why are you doing this to me? I have always been good to you! Come on, you goddamn whore! (Excerpt from a dialogue repeated multiple times a day)
Betsy is 53 years old. We met her in Nha Trang together with her cousin Juanita who is 40 years younger and can’t seem to get rid of them since then. They may be loud, extremely dirty and demand constant attention but at least they were cheap and a ride is always fun. No worries: Neither did we go into the child prostitution business nor have we developed a taste for mature ladies. Our latest aquisition are two red Minsk motorbikes of Belorussian make.