It is a demon that numbs our senses, and its power is impossible to overthrow until you throw up. It is on the five continents and the seven seas. Alcohol is the universal language; this has now been confirmed by dermatologists. In South East Asia it doesn’t just make the hearts of the locals beat slower: Be it on Ko Panghan in Thailand, in Nha Trang, Vietnam, or Vang Vieng in Laos – entire tourist party hells live off continuous irrigation by overpriced bars. But stop! It doesn’t have to be like that! Already in the past sagesex has proven that South East Asia offers festive inebriation in price ranges below any budget – at least for those with a tough stomach. Which means looking for a compromise: Good and affordable is what counts! After half a year of experience in this part of the world sagesex is ready to present the ultimate guide to almost free intoxication in South East Asia: The top three in affordable and enjoyable alcoholica.
Dumb Executive Summary
Dumb. Easy to confuse with words. Cannot Brain today. Got the dumb.
Viet speak like I. Lady massa bumbum? Marihuana? Motobike? –No? No understand. Not no. Not know. But nod. Understand is bad for brain. Make brain hum. I speak like Viet. Good for nationunderstandment. Bad for brain. Good.
Always hum and Motorbike. Thousand. Run over you. Almost. Million hum next to Vietnamman drink coffee and tea on street. With table. Chair. Brain hum like hum. Thousand hum.
Always booze. Smoke. Always booze and smoke. Viet booze. Cum sei Cum yaei. Charly say means: You not run you not go away. Farther. Glass empty glass full. Until evening. Expats always booze. Until morning. Brain hum because poisonous poison in trash smoke booze. Mmmh trash.
Oa! Much. Much oa. Always much lookie. Listen. Thousand. Always Oa. House big. Statue uncle Ho. Tree green. Ho good. Good Ho. Oa. Always much Oa. Make Oa in brain. Oa brain!
Sleepy not. Warm. Hot. Death. Night wake for sweat. Booze sometimes. Day wake for Oa. Sweat. Drag. Death. Brain burn better. Wither. Burn. Crackle when burn.
Clever Long Version
On the first day of Songkram my true love gave to me…
No Parade of Clowns and Naked Elephants
13.04. So where is the party? For days people have been talking of nothing but Khmer New Year. Which should be today according to our information, which isn’t much. Yet the streets we had inspected so minutely during the days before look largely unchanged. Well, the dirt-piste-wet-splashing-trucks and the steamroller seem to have been there, but no sign of party and parade. Maybe the chef in Battambang had lied when he told us the cities would be orphaned around New Year because everybody is going home to their families in the countryside. Maybe the 6000-souls-village Sem Monorom does not host the party of the century.
Or, much simpler, we simply got the day wrong. Later on we rent a motorcycle and find out that Khmer New Year does indeed start tomorrow. Apparently, the starting date changes anually because of the differing calendar. Just as well. One more day for discovering the region and meeting with a deadly scooter accident once again. Viva Cambodian “streets”!
On the second day of Songkram my true love gave to me…
Beer and Cigarettes for Breakfast
I had lived in Munich for about five years. Yet my intellectual arrogance had always kept me away from what the locals call the Wies’n – Oktoberfest. Here’s how I rediscovered the world’s premium celebration of European drinking culture, including the secret to finding new friends and drinking for free, and a truly embarassing sex story featuring the most original Wies’n souvenir ever. Read the rest of this entry »