sagesex

All truth is trivial. This is because most of the time, everybody knows it. At least on a rational level. Then again, often many people know the opposite as well. And that might also be true, depending on context. Yet if it hits you in the right moment, triviality can be extremely powerful and healing, as well as profoundly painful. If this sounds confusing, here is one example: Sex is not a solution.

You might agree, you might disagree, you might not understand. Let me explain how this simple truth became a deep and painful insight for me. I had always believed the contrary. Sex is a solution. Now by sex I do mean literal sex, but more generally relationships, and what I’m going to say remains true if you replace sex with any aspect of polarity or the dualistic world in general. Anything that is temporary, changing, of this world.

I’m not fully conscious about how I came to believe this false intuition, but the number of possible influences is truly infinite: If you replace what most people call love (the kind of love you can fall in, that can hurt you, more on this distinction another time) for sex, it’s enough to listen to any mainstream pop music, watch any mainstream movie, or fall in love to come to believe that sex (love) is a solution. For most people, this is an unconscious belief. For me, it got worse when my grandiose ego decided that “Sex is a solution!” could be a song for my rock band, a slogan for a youth movement, a reenactment of the hippie era, only this time for real. A way for me to bring meaning into this world. Even the underlying topic for this blog. Sagesex – wisdom through polarity. But I got it all wrong. This is one example for a piece of wisdom I recently read somewhere: Opinions are much more dangerous than drugs.

The truth hit me hard one night, when sickness had weakened my body, and craving for a lover tormented me beyond belief. I could not sleep and listened to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I had read or listened to this book multiple times already. I used to fanatically rave about it and bore everybody to tears with praise. Now I can see that although it is full of incredible wisdom and it was what really got me started on a spiritual path, there are some weaknesses to it and it definitely isn’t for everybody. Maybe I’ll expound on that in another post. Anyway, when I listened to Chapter 8: Enlightened Relationships, a miracle occured. Basically, Tolle expounds on why sex is not a solution, and because of my ego belief I had always held that he was wrong on this account. I mean, what could this old sage, who could hardly be described as sexy (though he does have a hot girlfriend!) know about the topic? Now as I listened to his words it struck me that the suffering I was going through was inevitable, given that I believed that I needed something that was imperfect, changeable, and inherently temporal. I cannot nearly reproduce what Tolle says in this chapter, so check it out if you can. The problem is in the importance that you place on this or any other “solution”. This is what is often called attachment: You identify with some condition (being loved by someone, external validation, using some drug, you name it), with the thought or feeling that this is what makes you happy, valuable, one. But all these things are going to disappear! They must. Yet in your bliss, you cannot truly understand this fact, and so you become addicted. This addiction is self-strengthening, feeding your belief and that of others in its importance every time you get high.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with sex, nor is there anything inherently wrong with drugs or validation (though I still prefer sex). It just won’t fulfill you. Enjoy it when it’s there, that’s fine. But don’t make it an identity, a way to give your life meaning. It’s beautiful, it’s even a physical and emotional need of your body and mind. But that doesn’t mean that the real you, the entity that is able to stand back and observe what happens with your body and mind (Yes, that is something you can learn. Buddhists seem to be the foremost experts in teaching this path – more on that another time), needs it. You are OK, whether you have a partner or not, whether you get external validation or not, whether you have sex or not. Yes, there might be craving, but it’s like ripples on the surface of the deep ocean that you are. And it cannot ever heal you (though temporarily, depending on the situation, it might be the best thing to do). Only awakening to your true nature, deeply knowing beyond thought that you are this ocean, and not only its ripples, can heal you. However, and this the true meaning of sagesex – wisdom through polarity – sex, drugs, the world in general can help you awaken and thus heal you. Unfortunately, this awakening mostly takes the form of suffering. By making us suffer, the world helps us emotionally understand what the wise people are saying – that it cannot be a solution, that a solution can only be found in our true self. This is what happened to me that night.

May you be free from suffering and the root of suffering. Namaste.

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