sagesex

Seven months ago, my longtime girlfriend finally couldn’t bear my falling in love with another new girl, and quit. The new lover left her then-boyfriend. We started having problems.

Four months ago, my professor told me I had three months to finish my PhD thesis, which I hadn’t even begun. I struggled hard. My thesis is in proofreading status now, but it severely damaged my spirit, killed my relationship, and might ultimately be useless, because I do not want to pursue an academic career at the moment.

Three weeks ago I lost my job at the university, two weeks ago the new girl left me for another guy. Back then I felt like writing a post called “From Zero”. Though I felt kicked in the teeth, I wanted to fight it. Be positive. It’s a new beginning. I started partying. I enjoyed the hospitality and warmth of my brothers and friends, and the grace of former lovers returning to me at the wondrously right time.

But now, two weeks later, I’ve really hit ground zero (or so I hope). Yesterday, my two weeks trial of replacing sleep and food with alcohol and drugs succeeded in adjusting my physical to my emotional state: I’m a shivering wreck. I have nothing more to give, I can’t function on my own. It feels like the depression that I battled years ago is coming back to haunt me.

A good day to start my new blog.

I always wanted to be free. Now I am. I want to go surfing. I want to live freely and consciously. I want to recognize beauty in people. I want to have great sex. I want to be enlightened. I want to travel. I want to create music. I want to feel. I want to love. I want to inspire.

Maybe you have similar goals. Maybe you have a job, a house, a safe relationship. Maybe, like me, you chose the open road. Provided I can muster the strength to write, you might learn from my mistakes. Maybe I’ll succeed gloriously. Maybe I’ll fail miserably. Probably both.

P.S.:
Actually, I realize I’m not starting from zero. I have acquired plenty skills that should bring me through hard times like this (though these can be quite a burden with everybody – including me – telling me I should know how to handle this), I won’t have to starve just yet (though I don’t feel like eating), but most of all I have a fantastic family and friends who support me in every way they can. Thank you. I love you.

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