sagesex

I have never been a smoker. I tried, yes. But I never liked it. In fact, I find smoking cigarettes rather disgusting. Then I went to Portugal, and met the deadliest drug on earth.

Enter … Black Devil!

Black Devil chocolate cigarettes - photograph from wikimedia, licensed under the GFDL, click to see source and license

A girl in a Portuguese bar had these, and offered them to the round. Now I used to look away in disgust when these smoker rituals take place, but this time, something was different. Look at the cigarettes! They’re black! With a silver lining! The pinnacle of elegance!

Maybe I was a little drunk and enthusiastic after a great sunset surf and with all these beautiful people in the bar, but I couldn’t help but ask for one, too. Lighting it up, I found it didn’t taste quite as horrible as I had imagined. Then, the girl said: “Lick your lips!” Alright, what a cheesy hoop is this? But whatever, why not?

Imagine my surprise when my lips actually tasted sweet (“I taste just like candy!”)! At first I thought I must have eaten something sugary beforehand, but further pulling on the cigarette confirmed the incredible – so much sugar in one inhalation! They’re labelled chocolate flavour, and while it takes some imagination to identify it as chocolate, they are subtly, but clearly sweet.

I was taken aback. That night, I bought my first pack of cigarettes in my whole life. The second one almost made me vomit. From then on, it only became better as the evening progressed. All the time, I was so glad they only sell them in Portugal. But look at the wikicommons picture. The text seems Swedish! Further googling turned up that they are probably made in Holland! Oh man, that’s way to close to where I live. I gotta get off this stuff!

Now I might just find the strength to withstand this marvellous drug, but what about the Portuguese, Swedish, Dutch, and who-knows-what-other nations’ children? Now they have to be strong enough not only to counter their peers’ enthusiasm and coolness, but also subtle sweet chocolate flavour with a nicotine kick. And it gets worse – not only do they make you addicted to a drug that is just as persistent as heroin (70% relapse rate), not only does this drug increase your risk of cancer and all the other smoking related diseases – no, they add sugar to the mix, to give you diabetes mellitus and make you obese! Damn, this is truly evil.  How long has this been going on? Black Devil seems more than appropriate for a name. Maybe Black Death would be even better.

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I have never been a smoker. I tried, yes. But I never liked it. In fact, I find smoking cigarettes rather disgusting. Then I went to Portugal, and met the...