Become a better person with 7/11
Wherever there’s civilisation, there’s advertising. And Thailand is very civilized in that sense. In Bangkok’s Skytrain there are ad wagons themed entirely for one product; advertising spots shout at you from screens everywhere. Mostly congruent with western advertising, the blockbusters are sweets, drinks, fashion and above all beauty and health products. Yet what struck us as most useful are trendy small bottles containing drinks that are supposed to make you more beautiful, smart, or healthy. If you believe the ads, Thai women can make sure to be wed in the most romantic way by regularly enjoying a glass of chicken essence! How about better memory or just a little whiter skin? You local 7/11 super market keeps an entire palette of world improvement drinks in store for you. Exclusively and using death defying self experiments, sagesex has now tested the favorites from the fridge.
Bird`s Nest Drinks
It’s a well-known fact that the consumption of swallows’ nests increases general goodness, well-being, and birdiness. In China they’re a rare and expensive specialty. Maybe too expensive for the average Thai. That’s why the market has reacted quickly and developed a whole range of low cost bird’s nest drinks. Aside from an immediate improvement in flying ability they also positively influence the patient’s CQ (China quotient). But beware: Only nests from african swallows lend the original superbly sweet and slimy touch to the mix. Better check twice than drink the bedchamber of some feathered animal that can’t even carry a coconut.
Smarti Shot
Do you, too, sometimes have the dumb or can’t brain today? You try to think but the rusty machine just jars and groans until it overheats and smoke whistles from your ears? Oil your brain now – with Smarti Shot! Selected ingredients like Omega 3 and dolphin fat are concentrated, given a fruity fresh taste and then compressed into small bottles, in order to finally unfold their full effect in your brain. Directly after consumption, Stefan lifted the secret of life while at the same time performing pushups using pure mental power. I wrote this article. If you overdose, call a doctor immediately! There is acute danger of spontaneous exploding head syndrome.
Essence of Chicken
You have tried swallow nests and thought your birdiness is at its peak? Think again! Essence of chicken will make you lay eggs and cackle like you’ve never done before. This specialty is very en vogue with environmental activists who find even organic eggs barbaric. One sip of this wonder drug and you lay an egg every day and yes, sometimes two on a sunday. The freshly pressed juice from three and a half whole chickens provides for the delicious full-bodied poultry taste. If you’re a woman, on consumption you’ll instantly wear a white wedding dress and handsome Thai men will vie for you. For all those who in spite of all this can’t fully appreciate its taste, there is great advice on the packaging: “It will have better taste when served cold or warm.”
Peptein 8000
Only an idiot would be content with Peptein 4000 for half the price when the neighboring place in the fridge is taked by this magic potion. The full-bodied taste with a strong bitter note promises a certain crassness already. Indeed: As with Popeye our muscles grow, as with Asterix we start glowing, our beards curl and in no time Thais fly through the air. We agree: We found the best drink in the world. Everything else belongs in the pig tub. If you’re still not convinced, this carefully translated information from the producer will help you (required reading!!!). Luckily for all those who don’t just tour South East Asia, you can order this treasure online here as well. The minimum order quantity of 100,000 pieces should be no problem once all your friends join you in becoming superior Nazi supermen and addicted to this wonder drug.
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