sagesex

“In a few years I’ll marry and have children” says the Cambodian cliche gay guy while he is cuddling with his comrade. Almost everybody has it and most everyone wants to enlarge and pursue it. Family is a global phenomenon, essential for humans; without it life seems hardly imaginable. Yet family doesn’t have to be father, mother, child. Family is a way of life that you can carry into the world.

The origins of family are evolutionary in nature. Humans have always been family animals for defense and food acquiring purposes. Later on family became compulsive for everyone due to financial pressures. No children meant having noone to feed you when you became too old for doing it yourself. Even if these reasons have diminished in value for western civilisations since at least the inception of pension schemes, the herd animal instincts have stayed around that give us a feeling of security when we are part of a group.

These instincts can be expressed in different ways in different people. Family can mean a lot of things. Still if you ask people who are truly content with their family what this word means to them it mostly comes down to this:

Unconditional Love

Someone is there for you. Whatever happens, you can tell it to someone who will not judge or even reject you for anything in the world. Naturally this concept does not always work out in the real world. You don’t choose your biological family, rather it is given to you. This doesn’t mean that it’s not possible for some people to love their family. It simply means that many people learn this form of love late or not at all, because they have never experienced it in their family-german. A large number of these people learns to love through a partner, friends, some also train to love consciously.

This last thing is what everyone of us has to do in order to have the feeling of “family” with yourself, in order to be able to carry it into the world. You meet people on your path just as randomly as you were dealt your family; the difference being that in relation to people whom you get to know you have expectations and prejudices, which is naturally impossible for a newborn child. These make loving a long, difficult process.

Make an effort to get closer to people that on first glance seem odd to you, that don’t fit your pattern of predation for friendships. Many of your prejudices will strengthen this way. So it is not necessarily useful for giving up your prejudices. Still you will get to them in this way and most of the time you will realize that what is pointless is judging your expectations. It’s neither good nor bad if someone wears baggy jeans and basecaps, or is 70 years old, it’s just an indicator for certain further traits probably present in this person. In any case it does not diminish their value as a conversational partner, friend, and least of all a human being. This is exactly what “unconditional” lovings means.

In the last few weeks I have learned to appreciate the value of family. After some weeks that I spent alone I had to realize: It’s not nice to be alone. I learned to appreciate people. Not for what they do but for what they are – unique personalities. Every one of them. I started to love them, one after the other. During this time, my family changed once every few days, though some remained with me for weeks. It consisted of people from the most diverse nationalities, educational levels, and of every age. With some of them I didn’t even have a common language, still I felt more and more at ease and secure.

The rule is simple. Everybody deserves to be loved and almost everybody will return your love. Sometimes maybe in forms that you are not used to. Sometimes your partner must learn to love first as well – in this case you can be proud to be the person who teaches him/her. Being loved is the feeling that people with a working family background associate with their family. The reasoning is simple: Loving equals being loved; being loved equals feeling secure; and feeling secure equals family.

I know: that’s totally out, that’s hippie shit. If however, you can get over this prejudice for once and the word Love loses the kitschy touch given to it by books and movies for you you will realize that family is a wonderful feeling. Regardless of who is your family for now. Try it! Love thy neighbor as yourself!

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“In a few years I’ll marry and have children” says the Cambodian cliche gay guy while he is cuddling with his comrade. Almost everybody has it and most everyone wants...